Kids Make the Best Comedians - Part II

 Some people watch Comedy Central, 

I just go to work every day.

What we really do at elementary schools...

Being a full-time SLP (speech-language pathologist) in an elementary school has increased the comedic content in my day by tenfold, so a post with quotes from my students is long overdue.

This job is constantly challenging, and often I think I just can't possibly make it through the day with how many different lesson plans there are to draft up, kids to run and pick up, and sneezed-on tables to clean up. Then a student will come in who has been waiting all week for speech, who says with a genuine smile that she was just dying for me to show up at her classroom door for her.

How can I not smile after that? And the smile sticks. It's contagious. Here's me passing it on:

Kids Make the Best Comedians - Part II

10. (Students walking by my door on their way to recess)
       Kid one: "...it's against the law..."
       His friend: "I am the law."
   
9. The first time I went to get one of my students, she was already bouncing up in down in her chair.
      Me: "How did you know I was going to get you? 
      Her (wide-eyed): "I just HAD to get out of there."
      SLPs: Glad to save you from class at those times when you just can't take it anymore.

8. 6th grade boy: "I'm tired."
    Me: "Oh, did you get enough sleep over the weekend?"
    Him (very seriously): "That's classified information."
    Well forgive me for attempting to breach a secure subject.

7. Talkative girl, while stacking slices of play-doh pizza: "I like making stacks. Making stacks is  fun, because, like, making stacks gives you happy feelings. Like a big fat smile inside."
    ...Thank you for expressing what everyone thinks about that but has never said aloud.

6. Another 6th grader, a girl: "When do I go to you?"
    Me: "1:30, I think. Don't worry, I won't forget to come get you."
    Her: "You'd better watch the clock."
    Oh I will. Like a hawk.

5. Smart little 2nd grade boy: "Why'd you write 'October' all clumsy on your board?"
    Me: "It's spooky. SPOOKY October."
    Him: "No, it's definitely clumsy."

4.  We do a Superheroes Social Skills program with our special education classes. There are some great benefits all around:
      Little girl with Down Syndrome when she sees me in the hallway: "Hello Superhero!                  ..Goodbye Superhero!"
     Every time. How many people hear that at their job? :)

3. Unfortunately, "Mansfield" is difficult for kids with speech issues to say on so many levels. Multi-   syllabic, consonant clusters, S, L...  
    Another little girl with Down Syndrome: "Hi, Muffin!"
    Hmm. Pretty close. Pretty deliciously close. I'll take it.

2. Talking to a kindergartener: "What's your favorite food or drink?"
    Him: "Dr. Pepper. My dad says it makes you crazy, but it doesn't make me crazy.
    .... Does it really make you crazy?"
    Ten minutes later, I ask: "So what do you want to do when you get home?"
    Him (immediately): "Drink Dr. Pepper."
    Okay, kid, you need a type of intervention I do not provide.

1. Now this one takes the cake.
    Kindergarten boy: "Do you have a son?"
    Me: "No, not yet."
    Him (thoughtfully): "Well, then you should get a baby."
    Ten seconds later: "Why does the baby come in the girl's tummy?"
    ....They don't pay me enough for this.

Hope that made you smile... More to come!