You just have that Glow.
You look great!
I can't believe you just had a baby.
Did you even have a baby?
Motherhood looks great on you.
Isn't that what every mother wants to hear, as if it were some rite of passage into the new maternal role to be told that it made her more Beautiful?
But what does this really mean?
I can tell you that as I write this, my hair is in some variation of the same messy bun it's been in for about eight weeks, and I'm wearing some version of comfortable workout pants and a t-shirt (if that). I probably have baby spit-up or milk on said t-shirt, but I already changed it two times this morning so we're gonna let it be.
I've never had under-eye circles in my life. But waking every 2-3 hours each night to feed, rock, hold, comfort, and love a little person has given me some pretty prominent ones. I have come to personally identify with this statement by Jeffrey R. Holland, even though this is just the "beginning":
"Mothers go longer on less sleep and give more to others with less personal renewal for themselves than any other group I know at any other time in life. It is not surprising when the shadows under their eyes vaguely resemble the state of Rhode Island."
We haven't even mentioned that pregnancy and delivery can bestow some pretty drastic and not quite desirably glamorous effects on the rest of the body. In the most literal sense there are many times when Motherhood just does not look "great."
This post was inspired by my good friend Lauren who recently wrote on her blog about how what we see on social media can be only a small sliver of reality, or a misconception. Her thoughts got me thinking too.
A few weeks ago I posted a picture with my baby. I got some comments like Wow!/You got ready/did your makeup/look great etc. etc. Well it was probably the first time I'd worn makeup, had my hair down and put on real clothes in a couple weeks. Also, Jenna had clothes on, which often isn't the case, depending on how many outfits she's sent to the laundry sink graveyard on a given day. And the whole reason I got ready the day of that picture was to film a tutorial, but I ended up not even doing that because my baby just wanted to be held. So that's what I did - I held her - all day.
Bottom line, that picture is NOT what motherhood looks like over here on a daily basis. Reality in this newborn phases is both of us a hot mess (with Bryan still managing to look as handsome as ever).
So, "Motherhood looks great on you." In my mind, this and related statements are less a reflection of outward appearance in a traditional sense and more an assertion that "You are a better version of yourself - and it shows." It can show in different ways than we might realize.
1. Mama bear and baby bear. She likes looking at the lights on our ceiling.
2. Jenna on her very first Sunday after birth.
I look at my baby, and she is completely beautiful to me. She came from me, she is a piece of me not attached to me anymore. But she makes me feel more happiness and beauty than ever before. She changed what I used to think was important and made me a better version of myself. She's still making me better, every day we spend together.
And you'd better believe she does not care how I look, as she delivers her gummy smiles now daily.
Through every new phase of life, especially those which include hardship, heartache, and sacrifice, isn't the goal to become a better version of ourselves?
And you don't even have to be a mother for that.
